The Fakeness: Decoding The Mystic Kool-Aid Pt. 1


Good evening Rehabbers:

This weekend was a special one FOUR Beyoncé’s 3,200 minus 800 fans who rolled in like packed sardines to see their Lady of Lies cast an unFOURgettable spell with her echo-machine laced shrilling from her new album 4lop. What has been initially reported as a night where the Queen of Schemes would sing her entire album to her flock of sheep, she wound up reading the blogs and unpaid album reviews taking them through a heart warming journey of how she started her sham of a career in the business that now spans over 15 thieving years. There were many reviews that sung her praises and noted that this little gathering was her way of showing she had nothing to prove and that she was still on top, but heading in a new directon. This week, I’ll be bringing you the top three concert reviews and see if we can decode the funky fiction. 

This first review is bought to you by the 

“Tonight, I want to tell you guys my story,” Beyoncé divulged to a sold-out crowd at New York’s Roseland Ballroom last night. The 90-minute, guest-free show, the first of four this week, found the 29-year-old diva splitting the difference between hushed torch singer and stadium belter, running through a 30-minute revue of her greatest hits before performing virtually all of 4, her latest album released earlier this year

It looks like someone has been reading the blogs again or-at the very least-had someone read them for her because I doubt home skillet can comprehend anything past fifth grade reading skills. The only reason why this chick wanted to tell her story, was because she needed to feel validated since her disaster album is a piece of poo on toast. As stated, she was supposed to be singing her entire newest album. But instead she sang the majority of the album after she sang old songs that were mostly all DC hits (:pursed lips: with a dash of a Fed’s :side eye:). You can scroll to the bottom to check out her set list. Why? Was 4lop not good enough to stand on its own since this is supposed to be the greatest, most revolutionary, most fantabulistic, classic, never done before album of all time? I’ll wait.  But while I’m waiting, take note Bey: A real queen NEVER has to prove anything to anyone. She never has to remind anyone of who she is because everyone always knows and they WILL NEVER FORGET.

For a singer long accustomed to stadiums, Sunday’s show was the most intimate performance most fans would see from the ubiquitous superstar. Backed by a 20-piece, all-female orchestra, including a conducted string sextet, three-piece horn section, three backup singers, and a harpist, the singer devoted the first third of the show to a “VH1 Storytellers”-type greatest hits showcase-cum-history lesson. If you didn’t know Beyoncé’s biography before—auditions with Destiny’s Child starting at age nine, her father’s early and frequent involvement managing his daughter’s career, getting dropped by Elektra, etc.—she laid bare her entire musical history starting with a Michael Jackson obsession at age five. Opening with Jackson’s “I Wanna Be Where You Are,” the singer interspersed minute-long snippets of her greatest hits both as a solo artist and with Destiny’s Child, stopping each track to discuss her life and mindset during each stage of her career.

How could we not know about her biography? The heffa never leaves our television, newspapers and magazines long enough to let us forget. Meanwhile back in the Land of Fakeness and the Shade, this child had a nerve to claim Michael Jackson was her her idol (what happened to Tina, Aretha, Whitney, Shakira, and Shamu?) and that she just loooooved him so much so that she opened up the night with his song. Wow,  I guess this is her way of showing love (please read those comments if you check out the link…it is And Beyoncé spoke of nothing new in her “life” or mindset throughout her career. She repeated exactly what she scripts for the camera whenever and wherever, like basically word for word. There were no new revelations. Just a new weave.

After recalling her father’s interrupting of an audition for numerous labels because “they’re not ready yet,” B talked about entering the studio by herself at 18, hearing Stevie Nicks’ guitar riff for “Edge of Seventeen” that would inspire “Bootylicious,” and how the last years of Destiny’s Child were a “reality show like ‘Survivor.’” “It was trying to figure out which member would be the last one on the island,” explained the singer.

He should have put quotes around inspired. And she talked about the ever revolving door of DC but I bet she didn’t offer up the tapes about why there was a revolving door to begin with. I detected a bit of shade, I did.

The medley combined the quick blasts of a Las Vegas revue with the emotional candor of a singer-songwriter performing to a near-empty room. It was an odd, yet effective juxtaposition; a global superstar who could effortlessly shuffle between slick, bombastic R&B and awkwardly honest confessions of a tumultuous career. By the end of the set though, humility, as one expects from a singer with 16 Grammy awards and more than 75 million records sold worldwide, turned to sly confidence. “[The label] told me I didn’t have one hit song on my album,” she said of her 2003 debut Dangerously in Love. “I guess they were kinda right. I had five.” With the exception of a slowed-down, jazzier version of “Crazy in Love,” the orchestra augmented rather than transformed the tracks, as if deviating too much from the recorded versions would violate the victory lap feel of the show.

There is not one picture of Clown B next to the word “humility” in the dictionary. I’m not even sure if she’s even heard of the word since doesn’t use it as she does “inspired” and “documentary”. No, she lets her sheep call her humble so she can continue to remind us that she’s winning awards, paid for won 16 Grammy’s, etc. Hence, her need to once again validate her worthiness in having the top crown when she threw shade at her record label about DIL. I don’t believe for a minute that her record company thought this. I searched four twenty minutes in archives to find out where she said this in the past. And in checking her DIL Wikipedia page, I noticed that a stan added Sunday’s quote to the notes about the album. This record had Sean Paul, Big Boi, Jay-Z, Missy, and Luther on it. Not to mention it was produced by one of the hottest producers in that time frame who used Shakira’s Middle Eastern influence on some of the tracks to make it even more sell-worthy. All those stars were extremely popular in 2003, and these songs were in the spirit of DC, so we can call this lie No. 334,345,567.

“1+1,” the opening song on 4, found Beyoncé kneeling atop a piano, her coy, torch singer poses bumping up against wind machines and spotlights beaming from above the singer’s head. The contradiction was emblematic of the set, as the deservedly entitled diva shared space with her populist alter-ego. For every fog machine, there was a 3,000-person sing-along; for every extravagant light number, there was a heartfelt emotional moment. Tonight was Beyoncé being all things to all people without pandering or condescension.

LMAO! I can’t. You are pandering to the crowd, critics and naysayers when you plan a concert that you felt needed to include a VH1 storytelling history of your glory years so you can feel like you didn’t fall off with your new lame arse album.  You are condescending your fans every time a word comes out of your mouth and they blindly help you cash in on their idiocy. 

Performing the album virtually front to back (“Start Over” was curiously left off Sunday’s setlist), the singer displayed both the stamina and vigor that makes for stadium-perfect shows. “End of Time” and “Run the World (Girls)” utilized flamboyant light displays to bring elaborate routines to a smaller stage, though most of the time, Beyoncé viewed the reduced space as advantageous over limiting. B ended the last song—the self-empowering ballad “I Was Here”—with “Roseland, we were here.” In less confident hands, the line would’ve come off as hokey. For Beyoncé, it was the recognition of a singular event before returning to the stadium.

4 Intimate Nights with Beyoncé” Setlist:“I Wanna Be Where You Are” (Michael Jackson cover)
“No, No, No (Parts 1 and 2)”
“Bills, Bills, Bills”
“Say My Name”
“Independent Women”
“’03 Bonnie & Clyde”
“Crazy in Love”
“Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)”
“I Care”
“I Miss You”
“Best Thing I Never Had”
“Rather Die Young”
“Love on Top”
“End of Time”
“Run the World (Girls)”
“I Was Here”–Jason Newman

I have no words for this one so I will end this with a WTF? Rehabbers, speak the truth now!


PS: A few comments from fans (and one rabid stan who couldn’t take the truth) who have enough common sense not to lie for someone that don’t give bird’s load about you.

    1. It seems like she recylced a lot of the dialouge from her intimate concert that she performed in Las Vegas in 2009. Not saying that’s a bad thing, I’m just glad she is showcasing the songs from “4″ because I seriously love this album. It’s probably my favorite album from her.
    2. August 15th, 2011 at 12:16 pm@Kyle, i love her and i love 4 with my heart, but i think if shes gonna put an dvd out from this concert, she didnt have to have the same speech as she had on the vegas concert dvd, and i think she most have let those destinys child song out of this one, and only sing a few old hits and the songs of 4
    3. August 15th, 2011 at 4:55 pm@Kyle, Yeah she did as you could see it starts from when she was younger to now.
    4. August 15th, 2011 at 8:56 amI was at last night standing room only show. After waiting 4 hrs in pouring rain the show still started 1 1/2 late. It was a terrible start to the show. The intimate setting would have been nice if she didnt have millions of fans trying to get a close view. Perhaps bey should remember that with smaller shows comes much discomfort to fans. I like her new album but disappointed at the disregard to fans safety and time.
    5. August 15th, 2011 at 2:19 pm@Em, I was there last night and totally agree with you. Waiting outside in the rain and then another hour and half inside was rough. She looked and sounded great, but if I had to do it all over again I’d wait for the DVD.
    6. August 15th, 2011 at 9:28 am I agree with Em, the show was suppose to start at 8, however they didnt let people in until 9, very unorganized. In addition to that she didnt perform until 10, major disappointment.
    7.  August 15th, 2011 at 9:51 a   As if you guys had the opportunity to go and you are complaining!?  You  didn’t deserve to go and you should definately NOT call  yourselves stans! You 2 are the major dissapointment! Its not her fault the show started late so sit down and appreciate the show for  what it was… complete EPICness!